


maybe i'll catch you as you fly by

by sparklylulz (sparklyulz)



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Grey Havens, M/M, possible film spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-07
Updated: 2013-01-07
Packaged: 2017-11-24 00:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/628278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklyulz/pseuds/sparklylulz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin dies and, somehow, the world continues spinning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe i'll catch you as you fly by

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stopchasingflowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stopchasingflowers/gifts).



> a/n: apparently when i said “oh i could never write thilbo angst” i was so terribly, terribly wrong. the title & epigraph come from [this](http://adamonroe.tumblr.com/post/34075820696/21-10-2012-3) breathtaking poem 
> 
> for becca, as always, for without her thilbo spotify playlist this never would have existed.

_“Maybe if I love you_  
 _as hard as I can_  
 _You will have never left.”_  
-EC  
  
Thorin dies and, somehow, the world continues spinning.  
  
Tears are still shed and there are wounds to be stitched, but on a battlefield covered in the blood of elves and dwarves and goblins, a hobbit sits alone, drowning in the fabric of a blanket made for a being much bigger than he could have ever been. It’s not uncommon for hobbits to be taken fully by their emotions, for they are generally a happy race, and so when sadness appears it lingers upon them, causing even their bones to ache.  
  
In the aftermath of the battle no one takes notice of Bilbo Baggins, who sobs into his hands until his lungs cannot find the strength to expand and the dirt on his face is marred only by the fresh saltwater of his tears.  
  
“Hobbits are most extraordinary creatures,” Gandalf says, sitting next to Bilbo after some time has passed, “You are not greedy in where you offer your love, but nor are you naive.”  
  
Bilbo’s throat feels raw from crying and he does not open his mouth to speak - there are no words for this. Perhaps there never shall be.  
  
“Thorin did not die with hate in his heart, and it is you who we should thank for that.” Gandalf adds, his tone is gentle as he places a large hand on Bilbo’s shoulders.  
  
There is silence for a long while before Bilbo stands and sheds his blanket, turning carefully to his friend and companion and finally opening his mouth to say,  
  
“But he did die.”

-

The Shire is much as it ever was. There are too many gossips in town and not near enough ale to deal with all his many relations. The Sackville-Baggins eye the two chest he hauls to Bag End upon his return with greedy eyes and Bilbo decides that someday he will have to name an heir who is worthy of all he has to leave behind.  
  
It spreads quickly through Hobbiton that Bilbo Baggins, whose mother was one of those foolhardy Tooks, had helped slay a mighty dragon.  
  
“Is it true, Mister Bilbo?” Children would ask in the market when he came down to buy apples and cheese. “Were you the hero who killed Smaug?”  
  
But each time, Bilbo would only offer a tight-lipped smile and a brief, “I assure you, I am no hero.”  
  
 _I am the coward who sat on the sidelines of a battle and watched the person he loved die,_ he thinks on his walk back to his hobbit hole, _where is the honor in that?_  
  
Eventually, the children stop asking and instead fill in the gaps of his story with their own vivid imaginations. He doesn’t have the heart to tell them that there is not much glory to be found in battles and sometimes not all stories have a happy ending.  
  
His most certainly hadn’t.  
  
It’s easy to fight off nightmares during the day when the sun hangs brightly over the round tree and the sounds of a busy life swell outside his door. But the moon has to make an appearance and even hobbits must rest after a long day in the fields, and that is when Bilbo finds himself utterly on his own with nothing but his memories to face.  
  
“You are very brave, Bilbo Baggins” A deep voice had growled in his ear close to a fire. “I will not ever forget what you have done for me.”  
  
Thorin’s breath upon his ear had caused him to shiver, but he did not move from Bilbo’s side that night, one arm placed around his burglar’s shoulders.  
  
It’s hard to remember his adventures without feeling like he would choke because of too much air in his chest as it smothered his heart.  
  
He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, wondering if maybe it wouldn’t have been better if he had died too, then at least he would not have been alone.

-

When Frodo is ready, Bilbo leaves.  
  
He’d spent too many years in The Shire as it was and had it not been for adopting a ward, he might have left much earlier than he did. He’s grateful for Frodo - the boy who'd taught him what it felt like to smile again, because if a child could smile after something so terrible as losing his parents, then surely Bilbo could too?  
  
In his departure he leaves behind his story, entrusted to the one person in Middle Earth who would most enjoy it, but in the margins he also scribbles his personal anecdotes on only Thorin Oakenshield.  
  
 _Being a proud dwarf, who upon sight could cause even the fiercest of enemies to give a slight tremble of fear, Thorin did not often betray his emotions upon his face. In fact, it was rare that anyone should see him smile and most of the time it was not the sincere expression of true happiness, but a tight-lipped facade which he gave into._  
  
 _There was one instance, however, where the great king under the mountain did slip and give a wide stretching grin, and of all those to receive such a rarity, it was I, the incompetent burglar of our party, who was gifted this mighty prize._  
  
 _I will admit that his embrace was as fierce as he could be, and I felt a bit like wind trying to fell a mountain in his arms because though he would never yield to me, he allowed me to wrap myself around him. I do not recall ever feeling so small and so big at the same time, which is a strange thing for hobbits who are quite used to feeling small or big given the occasion._  
  
 _Though the rest of our company cheered at their king’s show of affection, it was my ear that would bear witness to the true depth of his emotions._  
  
 _“You are mine, and the others now know that I have claimed you,” His breath was warm against my dirty skin, “No other shall touch you.”_  
  
 _And I came to realize that in hugging me, Thorin had done something very rare indeed with his embrace - he had marked me, and only me, as his equal._  
  
 _I believe it was the only manner in which he could show me that he knew I would not have risked my life and left my home behind for someone whom I did not wholly, unyieldingly, and unregretfully trust and love, and in him my feelings were reciprocated._  
  
 _It is not in the personality of dwarves to easily use words to portray their emotions, but from that moment on, even with all that would come later, I never doubted his love for me and I expect I shall not until my dying day._  
  
Of course, Frodo knows most of this before he reads it in his uncle’s own hand, but he cannot fathom how it must feel to love someone you know can never return to you. He wishes he had asked Bilbo why he didn’t grown tired of waiting long before he’d taken Frodo in.  
  
Apparently, that was one last secret his uncle could carry to Rivendell with him.

-

Bilbo climbs aboard the last ship into the West with many great beings, including his own nephew, a true hero in the end.  
  
He feels sea spray upon his cheeks as they depart and youth returns to his veins. He gazes upon Galadriel and Elrond, who both are so bright they should blind him, but instead he sees two much younger elves, kind in feature.  
  
“There is one here who has waited to see you for quite some time, Bilbo,” Gandalf speaks when they dock.  
  
From behind Elrond, Bilbo can make out the shape of hulking figure surrounded by the elves who preceded them to this place - the Undying Lands.  
  
Thorin looks younger as well, his long black hair is not stained with grey as it catches the sea breeze between its locks. And as he approaches Bilbo, he smiles.  
  
“You are very brave, Bilbo Baggins,” He whispers affectionately as his hands take hold of Bilbo’s face.  
  
There is time for one heartbeat in his chest before Bilbo has pushed his mouth to Thorin’s greedily, and they only part when the hobbit sucks in one sob, shuddering in his lover’s comforting arms.  
  
“Do not leave me again, my king.” He manages between breaths. “I cannot be without you again.”  
  
Thorin’s lips pull into a kind smile that touches his eyes, “Soon, my dear hobbit, it will feel like I never left you all.”  
  
As they walk hand in hand to the green woods untouched by time, Bilbo chuckles to himself that _yes_ , perhaps, _sometimes there are happy endings, after all._


End file.
